Taking the Plunge

Last weekend the opportunity to attend a "Green Home Fair" presented itself. Cameron and my mom wanted to go so they could ask intelligent questions, charm the vendors, and - in general - better themselves by learning about green energy. I, on the other hand, heard "fair" and wanted to go for the free stuff.

If you have spent any time around me you probably know two things: 1) I like free stuff* 2) I do not like to draw attention to myself (Hopefully you know more than those two things, but this is neither the time nor the place to open that can of worms).

So, when I saw my chance to combine those two passions (I use this term loosely), I got excited. On our way into the exposition hall we spotted a woman carrying a plunger. My first thought was "Yay (my internal dialogue sometimes sounds like a 4 year-old girl), my third passion - awkward moments - is about to join in on this day-o-fun". After seeing two more people carrying plungers, it hit me...a malfunctioning restroom is not going to force me to "hold it", they are giving away plungers!

A short list of objects come to mind that are hard to carry while retaining any kind of cool factor (note: for future reference, it is also hard to retain any kind of cool factor when referring to is as a "cool factor"). Plunger is near the top of that list. Everybody has one, but nobody talks about it...and rarely does the opportunity arise when you have to carry one in public. No matter how you hold it - like a dapper cane, swing it around like a bat, or the classic Heisman tuck under the arm - people are going to realize that you have it because you NEED it, and not just because you like the way it looks. You might as well post a sign on your chest that reads, "Yep, my toilet is not functioning properly".

But, in this bizarre alternate universe we stumbled into, everyone was proudly carrying a plunger. My mom and Cameron very coolly hauled their plungers around through the whole exhibition (I did not get one because I figured it was a "one plunger per couple" set-up. Plus, I was off stealing DOTS at the time of the plunger lecture). From that point on, when we would pass total strangers my mom would exchange a breezy head nod with them...not needing words to communicate, "yep, got my trusty plunger too".

The high (or low - depending on who you ask) point of the day: The three of us were strolling down an aisle side-by-side and as we approached an oncoming older lady she stopped in her tracks not knowing how to get around the barricade. Instead of breaking our link and letting her by, what did my mom do? She, trying to make a joke of it, with a swinging plunger motion threatened to hit the poor old woman over the head with her plunger. Fortunately, after about 10 seconds the lady picked up it was a joke but the damage was already done. I saw the fear in her eyes and knew, from that moment on most of her nightmares would be centered around clogged toilets, plungers, and MY mom.

As soon as we got home, Cameron found a place for the plunger. No, not in the closet or under the sink like in most houses, but proudly displayed right next to the guest bathroom toilet as if to say "We have nothing to be ashamed of, everybody has one".


So the plunger/clogged toilet awkward situation has been taken away from me as it is no longer awkward (I guess). At least I got some free candy and kleptomaniac training out of it...

* I'll stop you right in your "everybody likes free stuff" tracks because I am to free stuff what a moth is to a flame. For example, in college, I used to take something from the training room every day. Oh, get off your "that is not 'free stuff', that is called stealing" high-horse because it was never anything big and I usually took it back later anyway. I think I just like the challenge of taking stuff without anyone catching me.