Simply Un-American

Got a new American Express Card with a huge limit and an awesome rate. Yeah, I know, I am a pretty big deal. Not that I use credit cards a lot, I am just in a "who has the best credit score" competition with...well, everyone, I guess. Score update: I am winning. An added bonus is that the card has a really cool holographic blue square on it that, when catching the light the right way, brightens my day. (The picture does not do it justice)

That is where the story starts to go downhill. This afternoon I was pondering what my balance must be on the new C-Card. You know me, I let my fingers do the talking and attempt to log on to their website. In the process of tryin' to register my account, I am told that I have my place of birth wrong and they lock me out of the system. "Weird" I think to myself...actually I said it out loud. Funny, I thought I knew were I was born...and how does American Express know where I was born to tell me I am wrong?

But "The Man" cannot get me down so I call my friends at AEXP (look at me using stock exchange lingo). After spending ten minutes trying to hack into their automated system (oh yes, the secret to getting in is to give your...you guessed it...place of birth), I give up and start hitting "0" over and over again until my little cell phone screen cannot take it anymore. Ah, finally, a human. She started off chipper. She asked me for my name...got that right. She asked me for my account number...got that right. She asked me for my SS number...right again. 100% so far.

Then she asks me for my place of birth to which I respond, "the system must have it wrong because I was born in Fort Collins but it keeps rejecting that answer".

Her: "Oh, okay Ma'am, that is not what I am seeing here."
Me: (thinking, "isn't that what I just said?") but say, "Okay, where does it say I was born?"
Her: "Ma'am, I can't give you that information. Let's try to get in another way. We are going to access PUBLIC RECORDS so the following information is not held here at American Express. Can you tell me the name of a family member that us not listed on the credit card?"

This caught me off guard...can they do that? At the same time, I was trying to be cooperative and could not remember if Cameron is listed on it or not, so I think on my feet and say - "Elizabeth Hughes". Sister...that should work right? The woman puts me on hold for "a moment" and goes to look in my public records in a chore that I imgaine looking like this:

Wrong answer! The lady, getting all judgmental says, "I am sorry, your answers are incorrect and I am going to have to transfer you to our lost and stolen credit card department.". I say, "Uh, what? I got my sister's name AND my place of birth wrong?". Her - "Please hold".

I hold...then get a different chipper lady (although, I sensed that she was a bit guarded and had been forewarned that I was not pleased about flunking a pop-quiz about MYSELF).

She asks me for my place of birth. Are you kidding me? I give her a small piece of my mind. She switches gears...

Then she says that she can change my address now (half way through this whole thing I figured that the balance info was not enough to go through all of this for and wanted to get some other stuff done while I was at it). We change my mailing address and get my balance info. Then....

She asks for my place of birth! I tell her FORT COLLINS.

F_O_R_T - C_O_L_L_I_N_S - C_O_L_O_R_A_D_O

"Okay, Mrs. Butler, I have corrected the spelling and it should work now."

"WHAT? YOU JUST HAD THE SPELLING WRONG????"

"Yes ma'am, is there anything else we can do for you today?"

Believe me, SO many things came to mind that they can do for me today...some involved enrolling back in school, getting a lesson in common sense, and last of all...sticking things places. But, I took the high road (read passive-agressive) and said "pffish, no, that will be all".

Needless to say, I am a bit on edge...who does public records have as my sister?